It’s about the connection between state of mind and your experience of your world.
Biologically, we are stimulus response machines and primed to react in certain ways.
As we go through life we continually adapt and maladapt to our environment, our personality becomes self aware and we believe our thoughts and feelings are a real identity rather than just thoughts and feelings we have learned to have.
We create stories around why we are a particular way, how the world is and why we don’t have or can’t have the results we want – why we are struggling with aspects of our lives.
And there may well be aspects of our lives that do not have our best interests at heart.
A toxic manager at work spreads their dysfunction to all they come in contact with, and your reaction to them is not without cause -they are harming you.
Yet your reaction is layered on top of what they are doing to you.
The thoughts and feelings you have are your thoughts and feelings (in response to the manager) and can change in the blink of an eye.
We get ourselves into trouble by clinging to our stories about how the manager is, how the government is, how the wife, husband, or whatever is.
Then we start responding to our thoughts and feelings with more thoughts and feelings. This does not help us to respond to a real world situation with our full resources.
As you come to understand and notice for yourself how you are living in your experience, your thoughts and feelings, rather than living in effects caused by the world, you begin to calm down and be less stressed by the same events.
The psychological stress always comes from our thoughts, not the events, even when those events need addressing.
As you calm down, you have room for new thinking to occur, insight to arrive in your life and give you ways to deal more effectively with the real world problems.
This is also how coaching works in this context. I point you to where your thoughts and feelings are keeping you in your story and the more you see that for yourself, the more new understandings and ideas come to you about how to move towards what you want in your life.
I am Richard Ingate.
I work as a Writer, Lifecoach, Consultant and Trainer.
I draw on my learning and experience of NLP, Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapy, as well as from Buddhism, Chinese philosophy as embodied in Tai Chi, the Three Principles understanding, shamanism, and I am currently studying Psychology at masters degree level.
I work in particular with the themes of ‘resilience’ and, what I refer to as, ‘ordinary wellbeing’, often in the context of stress at work.
In the early 1990s I certified in NLP and clinical hypnotherapy. I trained with Eric Robbie and Willie Monteiro, Tad James, Christina Hall to shamelessly drop a few names.
Then I qualified as a hypnotherapist with the London College of Clinical Hypnosis (gaining a distinction). Along the way I have upgraded my training with thought leaders such as Adam Eason (hypnotherapy), Ali Campbell (Coaching, NLP and 3 Principles) and Damian Mark Smyth (3 Principles) and Dicken Bettinger (3 principles).
In essence I believe we have innate qualities such as ‘resilience’ that tend to become more apparent when we learn to quieten down and reduce both the noise of our personal, habitual thinking, and belief in the reality of our own thinking.
I have also seen through working with a cognitive behavioural approach together with mindful acceptance that valuable mindset and skills can be ‘ripened’, learned and practised.
What we experience is always our thinking and feeling in the moment. I help people to wake up to what that means, and what it means changes and deepens as the journey continues.
Thank you for reading, and if this makes any kind of sense to you, please sign up for the newsletter before you go.